Black dog

Totally useless these past two days. Feeling very mentally tired. Not sure what's brought it on but my black dog (aka depression) is hanging around, zapping all resolve and positivity. It's like it curls up in my chest and deadens my heart. It's a heavy weight pushing me down, making any positive effort so difficult. I keep bursting into tears and I can't seem to laugh off the hardships and the mishaps. I can't control my kids without yelling, I can't cope with all the demands put on my by others or that I put on myself. I just want to dive into a bottle of wine and swim about in the place where nothing matters, I don't care, everything is slightly funny and mistakes don't matter. I hate it. I don't want to be this weak, pathetic person who can't cope. I want to laugh it off. I want to say it doesn't matter. 

But I can't.